November 24, 2012 11:57 pm

Today, January 4, 2013, I re-moved into school after a 3 year absence. Its weird but so familiar. Nobody else is here so I'm alone again until tomorrow. The moving in process really makes me miss dad, he'd always be there for me when I moved into school. He missed me when I left just as much, if not more, than I missed them. He always did what he could to make it the best for us. He'd buy us so much food and drinks and stuff that we would run out of places to put it. But it was all out of love, looking back I realize it. He didn't want us t go without something or be hungry with nothing to eat. It's hard without him. There are so many things I should have done or said that I didn't. I didn't pay attention as hard as I should have when he taught me stuff. How could I be so stupid?! I believe he died on his terms, not going through anymore surgeries , or anything that would cost more money, but we all believe he died too young. I know God has a time for everything and everyone, but I don't even think dad thought it would be that soon. I got mad at him alot, and even bad mouthed him, but he is my dad and no matter what I still love him. I hate being alone, my mind can't stop thinking about him. Not saying I want to forget about him by any means, but it hurts so much. 

New Direction, New Questions

Today I officially accepted the role of Children's Ministry leader for a church plant starting in March. This means some major changes for me. First I have to switch a practicum to this new church, while at the same time telling my mentor/youth leader about the move. I have confrontation, especially if someone has a chance of getting hurt. (Lord, help me get through all of this with the support of Shawn, and even the church. I am following you.) I don't want him to think that it was anything that he did, or that I have any bad feelings towards him. I love Shawn and will always consider him my mentor. He has played such a HUGE role in my life. I know he'll understand that God is moving, but it still hurts me; no matter how excited I am for this opportunity. Honestly I even tried to ignore the fact that God was even moving in this direction for the good part of the month. But then last week God convicted me, like He usually has to do. The conviction was so bold that I almost skipped my last class of the day and chapel just in order to make the phone call to meet with the pastor. (Humbly I submit myself to you, oh LORD.) What this decision looks like in the context of my future, and upcoming marriage, is still unknown. I can say this with confidence though, if God says "do this" or "move here", who am I to say no? Is a mere man able to stand up to God (YHWH) and demand his own way?

"Submit to God and be at peace in Him" Job 22:21